Worst years of my life (It gets better)
by Mindlessspn
Summary: High school student, Castiel Novak, loves supreme jock, Dean Winchester. When his secrets exposed, Cas leaves town in shame determined to make something of himself. Ten years later, Cas is a bestselling writer and gets forced to go and face his past. Will history repeat itself or was it always real?
1. Chapter 1

**Worst years of my life (It gets better)**

 **Lawrence, Kansas- May 2006**

Cas sat in the lunchroom at a table by himself. It didn't bother him that he had no friends. He got used to that when he moved here freshman year but he knew bigger and better things were just around the corner. He was reading his favorite book 'The Great Gatsby' when a group of jocks sauntered over to him.

One of them slapped the book out of his hand and laughed cruelly in his ear. He knew that laugh. It was Alistair. His high school tormentor. He had put up with four years of him but there was only one month of senior year left. He could make it. He knew he could.

The bigger jock, Raphael, pushed his head onto the table causing his glasses to go flying. "Leave me alone!," he shouted over their laughs.

He knew it would only make it worse but he had to at least try. They laughed harder together.

"Come on, man. Leave him alone," he recognized Dean Winchester's voice say over the laughter.

"Senior years almost over, man! We gotta have a little fun with this loser before he runs away to college," Alistair laughed.

Cas clenched his jaw and forced himself to not let them see him cry. Not again.

He heard movement next to him before he realized that Alistair was now going through his backpack.

He lifted his head quickly. "No!," he cried out before his head was pushed back down roughly by Raphael.

Alistair continued laughing but stopped as he read something. Cas felt his heart thumping heavily in his chest. He knew exactly what he was reading.

He heard the table creak as extra weight climbed on top of it. "Make him watch this!," Alistair snickered quietly to Raphael.

Raphael grabbed Cas's head in his arms and raised him up so he was forced to watch what Alistair was about to do next.

He closed his eyes as Alistair's voice boomed across the cafeteria. "Listen up everyone!," he called getting the immediate attention of everyone in the room.

Cas watched from the corner of his eye when everyone stopped talking and turned to face Alistair. He moved his eyes to look at Alistair who was standing in the center of the table with Cas's yearbook open in his hands.

He felt his palms start to sweat and his eyes go wide. He chanced a glimpse of Dean who was standing next to his little brother, Sam, with his hands shoved deeply inside his letter men jacket.

He looked back at Alistair and quietly pleaded with him to not continue but was ignored. "This is Castiel Novak!," he announced while pointing at Cas who was now wiggling in Raphael's strong grip.

He felt all eyes on him while Alistair went on. "You may or may not know him. He's a loser."

Everyone began laughing and Cas closed his eyes continuing to will himself not to cry in front of the whole school.

"And this is his love letter to Dean Winchester," he announced with glee pouring through his loud voice.

There were a few more chuckles throughout the room but mostly silence as they waited for Alistair to mortifying him publicly.

"Dear, Dean. By the time you read this high school will be over and I will have moved to California but I can't leave until I tell you how I feel," Alistair said in a high pitched voice to mock Cas.

Cas peeked his eye open and saw Dean looking straight at him with a look of pity on his face. He closed his eyes again and focused only on not letting himself cry.

"I have loved you since you first talked to me in the library freshman year. I know it sounds dumb but I felt like we had a special connection between us. It felt like sparks every time our hands would accidentally brush against each other. You have saved me in more ways than one from the Hell I'm put through everyday and I can't thank you enough," Alistair continued to mock.

The cafeteria started laughing again when he paused. Cas felt like he had just been kicked repeatedly in the stomach.

Alistair cleared his throat and continued, "I love you, Dean Winchester. Please consider moving to California with me. We can escape it all. You and me. Love, Castiel Novak."

Alistair slammed the book shut and laughed harder. The entire cafeteria erupted into laughs along with his classmates yelling various words at him.

Alistair dropped the book onto the table and jumped off landing right in front of Cas.

"You don't belong here, Novak. And Winchester is not gay! So why don't you take your faggot ass somewhere else," Alistair said loudly while shoving a finger into Cas's chest.

Cas opened his eyes finally and looked to Dean who was looking away from him. He turned back to Alistair and let a stray tear slip down his cheek.

"Aw, he's crying! We made the little homo cry!," he announced.

His classmates laughed again and started throwing food at him. He let another tear fall.

"Let him go," Dean said quietly.

Alistair rolled his eyes but nodded to Raphael who reluctantly let Cas go. Cas wiped his face and reached for his backpack before quickly throwing it over his back.

"I better not see you again," Alistair said darkly.

Cas wiped his eyes again before running out of the cafeteria with his yearbook still laying forgotten on the cafeteria table.

He pushed the double doors to the schools entrance open and ran to where his bike was chained up. He didn't care that he still had mashed potatoes in his hair and he didn't care that the whole school knew his secret.

He was never coming back. Never again. Screw Dean Winchester and screw everybody. He was going to make it California. He'd show them all.

He peddled quickly down the road and tried to force away the image of sad, green eyes pitying him.

 **Los Angeles, California- May 2016**

"Everyone welcome to the stage New York Times Bestseller, Castiel Novak," Kelly Ripa announced as she stood up.

Cas adjusted his tie and let out a nervous breath as he walked onto the stage. The audience cheered loudly while he waved back at them and smiled widely.

He got up to Kelly and shook her hand briefly before pulling her into a quick hug.

She smiled and gestured to the tall chair across from her. Cas obliged and sat down before crossing his legs comfortably.

"Thank you for having me. Its great to be here," he smiled while rubbing the stubble on his chin.

Kelly smiled, "Of course. Its an honor to have you. Why don't you tell us about your book?"

Cas nodded, "Well, it's a self help book. Is titled 'It gets better' and I'm very proud of the world wide reception that it's received. It really means a lot to me and all the hard work I put into it."

Kelly nodded along as he spoke. "And are all those stories told in the book true?"

Cas paused as his mind flashed quickly to multiple scenes of Alistair and the jocks bullying and harassing him ruthlessly. He collected himself quickly and cleared his throat.

"Yes. Everything told really happened," he confirmed.

The audience let out a collective 'Aw' as Cas retold a few traumatic stories from his time in high school.

"No need to feel sorry for me. I only came out stronger from my experiences," he smiled.

"It gets better," Kelly commented.

Cas laughed and nodded, "Yes, it does. And I couldn't be more happy by how many lives this seems to be touching."

"Its extraordinary. But that is all the time we have left for today. Thank you again for coming. Castiel Novak everyone!," Kelly announced and stood up before hugging Cas tightly again and running a comforting hand down his back.

Cas smiled warmly and kissed her cheek before exiting the stage. He let out the breath he was holding in when he reached the refreshment table where his manager, Balthazar, stood while eating a banana.

He put it down on the table and slapped Cas lovingly on the back. "You did great, Cassie," he commented.

Cas nodded and smiled weakly. Sometimes he just felt sick after talking about his high school experiences. He thought making it in the world would make him feel better but he couldn't help but think that something was missing.

"Is everything okay?," Balthazar asked.

Cas nodded and shrugged him off. "Everything's fine."

Balthazar smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Great. Cause we need to go catch a plane."

Cas furrowed his brow. "I thought the book tour wasn't for another two months."

"Its not but some mayor called and wants to present you with a city award at a big ceremony. It would be great exposure," he explained.

"Okay. What town?," Cas asked curious now.

"Lawrence, Kansas. Sounds like a hick town so we should just stop in and leave."

Cas dropped the copy of his book that he had been clutching to his chest. There's no way he had heard that right.

"Cassie? Castiel? Are you okay?," Balthazar asked again.

Cas nodded slowly. "I guess I'm going back to Kansas."

 **Lawrence, Kansas- May 2016**

"I cant do this, Balthazar," Cas choked out as he fidgeted in the back seat of the taxi.

Balthazar placed a comforting hand on his knee. "Of course you can. Its only for a few days."

Cas shook his head. "You don't understand. This is the town that my entire book is based on. Everything happened here."

Balthazar looked unaffected with what Cas said. "Is that why someone keeps calling telling me they're your brothers and that we're staying with them?"

Cas's eyes went wide. "What?! That where were going? Why didn't you tell me?"

Balthazar shrugged and went back to replying to emails.

Cas looked out the window and watched as the familiar streets passed by. He noticed the fountain where Alistair stole his bike sophomore year.

He shook his head and felt his anxiety start to rise up in his chest when the taxi pulled into his old neighborhood. He saw Gabriel and Lucifer standing outside the house with excitement clear on their faces.

He sighed and stepped out of the taxi while Gabriel ran to him and picked him up to swing him around.

"Gabriel," he greeted once he put him down.

"Stop with the formalities, bro. We just watched you on T.V. with that hot Kelly Ripa!"

Cas rolled his eyes and walked up sidewalk that led to the front door. He stopped halfway when Lucifer wrapped him up in his own hug.

"Wait. Do you guys both live here?," Cas questioned.

Lucifer laughed. "Yeah. We took over it when mom died. Its now our bachelor pad."

"Mom must be so proud," Cas muttered.

"Hey! I heard that but I'll forgive you. We are going to have so much fun this weekend," Gabe said while wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

Cas zoned out of the conversation of Gabe and Lucifer making plans excitedly. He looked over to the familiar two story home on the left side of him and felt his heart skip a beat.

And because the universe hated himself so much lately, a familiar figure walked out of the front door.

He wasn't sure if he even had a pulse anymore. This had to be some kind of sick dream.

The man with the Sandy brown hair, beautiful green eyes and freckle kissed skin looked up and made eye contact with him. He froze in his spot and dropped his mouth slightly.

Cas tore his eyes away from him and looked at his shoes instead. Why was God trying to torture him? He could hear his heart pumping in his ears now.

"Cas?," came that familiar voice but it was close to him now.

He looked up at Dean who had wandered into their yard with wonderment written all over his face. He visibly swallowed.

"Its me, Dean Winchester."


	2. Chapter 2

**Memories**

"Dean?," Cas croaked out and took a step towards the old friend that stood in his childhood homes yard.

He looked older but in a good way. Time had most certainly done him right. His shoulders were broader and his shirt was tighter displaying all the muscles that he seemed to gain overnight.

"You remember me," he said smiling fondly and pulling Cas into a tight embrace.

Cas felt his mouth go dry. Dean Winchester was here. In his yard. Dean Winchester, the boy he loved for four years is here. He couldn't begin to wrap his head around it.

"Of course I remember you, Dean," Cas said softly as he pulled away.

Dean smiled brightly and couldn't take his eyes off of Cas. "I cant believe its been ten years," he said without his smile faltering.

Cas smiled back and nodded. "Me either."

"You look great," he added gesturing at him up and down.

Cas felt the heat start to rise up his neck. He rubbed the back of his neck and smiled. Ten years later and Dean Winchester can still manage to make him feel like a little kid.

He was aware of how different he must have looked to Dean right about now. He had filled out quite a bit since high school. He no longer wore glasses or his dads oversized trench coat.

He also didn't even bother to try to control his hair like he did in high school. His fan base says its called a 'sex hair' look. He knew he went from the dorky scrawny kid to the guy he now was.

Even his body was different. He used to be one of the smallest boys in his class. But after working out for ten years he bulked up pretty nicely.

"Cassie! Are you going to introduce me?," Balthazar asked with his strong British accent traveling across the yard.

Dean tore his gaze away from Cas to look over Cass shoulder at the man coming their way with a suitcase in each hand.

Cas pursed his lips and sighed. "Dean. This is Balthazar my-" he started before getting cut off.

"His boyfriend, darling," Balthazar said cheekily while dropping a suitcase to the ground and holding out his hand.

Cas watched Dean's face fall before he regained his composure and shook Balthazar's hand firmly.

Balthazar held onto Dean's hand a second too long and seemed to be accessing him before breaking out into a wide smile.

He let go and pointed at Dean with his index finger while chuckling. "Got ya," he said with a wink.

It was Deans turn to blush now while he looked at the ground.

"He's my manager," Cas explained.

Dean nodded and ran a hand through his hair. "Oh. Okay. Well, I better get going. Sam's waiting on me."

Cas couldn't help but feel disappointed that Dean was leaving already. But it wasn't like he exactly wanted to catch up with him. If anything, he wanted to erase everything about this part of his life from his memory.

"Okay. Well it was nice seeing you," Cas replied.

Dean opened his mouth to say something but shook his head instead and walked back to his house.

Cas watched him as he turned back around for another glimpse before smiling tightly and going inside.

"Wow, Cas. Hide your boner," Gabe commented.

Cas's hands flew to his crotch quickly while his brothers and Balthazar howled with laughter.

"You haven't changed a bit," Cas said shaking his head.

"Nope!," he yelled loudly.

"What are we still doing here? Lets hit the bar!," Lucifer suggested excitedly.

"Great idea," Gabe agreed.

Cas looked at the watch on his wrist. "It's three in the afternoon," he deadpanned.

"Beer has no timeframe," Gabe replied.

"You boys go ahead. I've got a nasty case of jet lag that I need to sleep off," Balthazar said while yawning.

"Uh, I have jet lag, too," Cas added.

"Beer will help you," Lucifer said and turned to go show Balthazar inside.

"Why is beer always the answer with this family?," Cas mumbled.

"Cas. You've been legal for over seven years now and not once have we had a drink together," Gabe said giving Cas large doe eyes.

Cas groaned and threw his head back. It would be fine. He was only going to be here for three days. Then he could go back to his nice life in California.

"Fine," Cas grumbled.

Gabe clapped his hands together and smiled. "Lets go get drunk!"

XXX

Thirty minutes later, all three of them walked into a dive bar a fee streets over. Cas noticed that Deans impala wasn't in the driveway anymore when they were leaving. But it wasn't like he was checking or anything.

He sat on the outside of Gabe and Lucifer at the bar while Gabe ordered them all a beer.

Cas looked around and took in his surroundings. There were a few booths and tables behind him with some of them by couples or people drinking alone.

There was a small box T.V hanging above the bar displaying the highlights of the previous nights sports game. The reception was awful. Cas briefly wondered why his brothers would ever come to a place like this.

His head turned to the end of the bar where someone familiar sat hunched over a beer. He had about five empty glasses next to him.

Cas felt chills run through his spine. It was Alastair. He still had on his letter men jacket from high school. He had to be almost thirty by now.

He smiled and looked down at the beer sitting in front of him. It was clear to him who really won at life. He may not have been cool in high school but at least he doesn't look as pathetic as he does now.

"Look who just walked in," Gabe sang while throwing his head to the front door.

It was Dean again. It was starting to get uncanny how many times Cas has seen him in the last hour. He would have been lucky for him to even glance his way ten years ago.

A taller man with hair to his shoulder accompanied him. Cas felt his heart drop a little as he made eye contact with familiar green eyes that made him feel warm all over.

Dean smiled widely again and gave a small wave to Cas before making his way to him.

Cas felt his palms start to get sweaty but he'd blame that on the condensation of the beer glass.

Dean was almost there when Alastair reached out quickly grabbing his arm and stopping him.

"Winchester," Cas could hear Alastair slur from across the bar. His grip tightened around his glass but he watched on anyways.

"What?," Dean asked clearly irritated.

"Have a beer with me."

"I cant, man. I'm busy," he said gesturing to where Cas sat.

Cas's eyes widened and he dropped his head to stare at the foam in his beer. Oh, no. He was not ready for this. Not at all.

He closed his eyes and prayed that Alastair wouldn't notice him or that he was too drunk to care.

He listened as he dragged his feet across the creaky wooden floor while he made his way over to where he sat.

Cas could feel himself start to shake slightly. He couldn't do this. He knew this was a bad idea. Why would he ever agree to this?

"Holy shit. Its Castiel Novak," Alastair said loudly standing right next to him now.

Cas sighed and let out a shaky breath before looking up. "How's it going?," he asked while avoiding eye contact.

"What are you doing in here? I just saw you on the T.V," he slurred next to his ear now.

Cas ignored the shiver that shot through his spine. "I'm only here for the weekend."

He looked at Dean who was giving him another sad look. It reminded him of the one he gave him in the cafeteria right before he ran out.

He bit the inside of his cheek trying to push the memory down.

"So we can expect to see you at the ten year reunion then," Alastair said. It wasn't a question.

Cas shook his head quickly. "No. I will not be attending. I didn't even go to graduation."

Alastair laughed darkly as he remembered. "Oh, yeah. Guess it's cause I embarrassed you."

"I'm done talking to you," Cas snapped.

Alastair's mood changed quickly. He leaned closer into Cas's face.

Cas grimaced smelling the alcohol on his breath. He looked back at Alastair who looked angrier.

"Just because you're some big shot Hollywood guy doesn't mean that you mean anything. Remember once a loser always a loser," he said poking Cas's chest after each word.

Dean grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back. "It's time for you to go," he said trying to push him out of the door.

Gabe and Lucifer stood up quickly and surrounding Alastair who had trouble standing from being intoxicated.

"Don't come at our brother ever again," Gabe said angrily and pushed Alastair's shoulders.

Dean held him up but moved out of the way at the last second to let him fall drunkenly to the floor.

"You're lucky we already graduated! You took our brother away from us!," Lucifer yelled while Alastair pulled on a table to stand up.

"Next time I see you I'll kick your ass," Gabe threatened.

Alastair smiled and wiped the dirt off his jeans. Cas could now see that he had a beer belly and the old letter men jacket was faded and three sizes too small.

He snickered softly to himself.

Alastair pointed a shaky finger at Cas. "Always cowering behind someone. You won't be so lucky next time."

He turned slowly and stumbled out of the bar. The bar erupted into applause when he left.

Cas smiled. "Drinks are on me!," he announced resulting in more cheers.

Gabe and Lucifer sat back down going back to their own conversation. Cas turned back to his own untouched beer and picked it up before a hand touched his shoulder softly.

Cas turned around in the stool and smiled up at Dean who looked nervous.

"Would you like to have a drink with me?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Reminiscing**

"I'd like that," Cas smiled and stood up with his beer still in his hand.

Dean smiled back and led the way to a booth in the corner. Cas looked over his shoulder to see Gabe and Lucifer making kissy faces at him.

He rolled his eyes and slid into the booth. Dean slid in next to Sam on the other side.

"Oh, this is my brother, Sam," Dean introduced pointing a thumb at him.

Cas reached across the table and shook Sam's hand firmly.

"I remember you," Sam said before taking a drink of his own beer.

"You do?," Cas asked while tilting his head.

Sam nodded. "Yeah. I mean I was a freshman when you were a senior so you probably don't remember me."

Cas shook his head. "No. I remember you. I just didn't think you remembered me. No one ever does."

"I mean it would be kind of hard not to remember who you were after you know, everything that happened," Sam said awkwardly.

Cas finished the rest of his beer and looked down. He would just have to get used to everyone bringing up his past all weekend. There was no point in hiding anymore.

"Sam, why don't you go get us another round?," Dean suggested.

Sam nodded and slid out after Dean. Dean sat back down facing across from Cas. Their hands just a few inches away from the others.

It reminded Cas of the times in high school that Dean would come sit with him in the library to keep him company. Cas smiled fondly as he recounted the times.

"How have you been?," Dean asked breaking him out of his thoughts.

"I've been pretty well. How about you?," Cas asked. He hated this awkward small talk.

"Great. Everything's great," he replied bringing his beer bottle up to his lips.

Cas nodded and tightened his lips not sure what to say next. Didn't it used to be easier than this to have a conversation with Dean? But of course that seems like a lifetime ago.

"Are you going to the reunion Saturday night?," Dean asked breaking the tension.

Cas shook his head. "Uh, no. I wouldn't belong there."

"What are you talking about? You're apart of the class of 2006," Dean answered back dumbfounded.

"Not really. You were always the one that could fit in," Cas replied.

"Is it really fitting in if you're not being yourself? I just think that you should go and shove it in their faces. I mean, you actually left this town."

Cas shrugged and bit his lip. "I would just rather avoid the whole situation."

Dean stared at Cas over his bottle and sighed. "God, its so great to see you again. I thought I never would."

Cas smiled and ran a hand through his hair fighting a smile. "Me either," he said softly.

"You got contacts," he observed.

Cas nodded. "The glasses weren't for me."

Dean smiled and inched his hand closer to Cas's. "I've always liked them. They suited you."

Cas looked down at how close their hands to seemed to be. If he moved another inch they would be brushing together.

"What are you doing?," Cas asked.

Dean pulled his hand away and seemed embarrassed for a brief moment. "What?," he replied.

Cas laughed lightly. "I meant, what are you doing now? It has been ten years."

Dean laughed along with him and placed his hand back down on the table slowly. "Well I'm not on the New York times best seller list."

Cas chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Really, Dean. Did you get to follow your dreams after all?"

Dean looked down and tapped nervously on the table. "Nah. I had to take care of Sammy but I did go to college eventually. Now I teach history at the high school."

Cas furrowed his brow. "Dean," he started.

"I don't really want to hear it, Cas. It wasn't in the cards for me and that's okay. It happens. But right now I just want to talk about you."

Cas nodded, "Okay, Dean. Can I ask you a question?"

"I don't know. Can you?," he teased.

Cas felt a smile pull at his lips. "You're such a jerk," he smiled.

Dean smiled back and winked.

"So, do you and Sam live together now or something?," Cas asked finally.

Dean shook his head. "Nah. He just stays over for the summer. He's going back to California in August."

Cas smiled warmly. He didn't even think about the possibility of Dean still living next door or having to talk to him but right now it feels like they haven't even missed a beat.

His mind drifted off to when they first met.

 **Lawrence, Kansas- September 2002**

Cas sat alone at a small table in the corner of the library. He liked how quiet it was and how Alastair couldn't find him here since he wasn't even sure if he knew what a library was.

He opened 'Catcher in the rye' and adjusted the glasses that were slipping down his nose. He read a few paragraphs before someone placed their backpack on the table loudly.

Cas jumped at the sudden noise and braced himself. The person across from him scraped the chair across the floor as he slumped into the chair.

He looked up to see a boy about the same age as him resting his head on his hand. He was absolutely gorgeous. His Sandy brown hair was gelled to one side and freckles scattered across his face.

Cas's eyes dropped to his lips that were pink and perfectly plump. The boys eyes lifted displaying light green eyes that made it feel like his breath got caught in his throat.

"Hey," the boy said softly.

"H- Hi," Cas whispered back.

"What are you reading?," he whispered and leaned closer.

"Um. _Catcher in the Rye_ ," Cas said.

"I read that a year ago. Its one of my favorites," the boy replied and smiled brightly.

Cas swallowed nervously and pushed his glasses back up his nose. "Mine too."

"I like your trench coat," he said reaching over to where Cas's arm rested on the table and feeling the fabric of it before gently brushing his hand against Cas's.

"It was my dad's," Cas answered. For once, he didn't care if someone would catch him blushing at a boy.

The boy nodded but continued to smile at Cas.

Cas smiled back and chuckled softly. Is this what having a friend feels like?

The bell rang shrilly signaling that lunch period was over. His new friend stood up and threw his backpack over his shoulder.

"What's your name?," Cas called out bravely.

He turned around and flashed his perfect white teeth. "I'm Dean Winchester."

Cas felt his heart flutter as he stood up as well. He held his hand out. "I'm-," he started before Dean cut him off.

"Castiel Novak. I know. I'll see you around, Cas," he said before turning back around and walking out of the library.

Cas stood stunned and could only hope that this was the beginning of a long friendship.

 **Present Day**

"I swear! It was the very first time that someone called me Cas," Cas said laughing before taking a large gulp of his beer.

Dean laughed with him. "What about your brothers? I've heard them call you that before."

Cas shook his head and ran a hand down his face while laughing nervously. "Ah, this is so embarrassing."

Dean laughed along with him and leaned in closer from across the table. "Come on. Tell me!," he pleaded through his laughs.

Cas threw his head back and groaned. "Ah, okay. Okay. After you called me that, I went home and told my brothers that's what I wanted to be called from now on." He laughed again and threw his face in his hands to hide himself.

Dean reached over and gently pulled Cas's hands down to show his face. He held his hands in his own and smiled warmly.

"I've missed you," Dean said softly and rubbed his thumb across the back of Cas's hand.

"I've missed you too," Cas replied back honestly.

Dean opened his mouth to say something else but was cut off by Cas's phone ringing in his pocket.

Cas pulled his hands away from Dean reluctantly before reaching into his pocket and answering his phone.

"Hello?," he mumbled into the phone.

"Cassie! When are you coming back? It's only been a few hours and I'm already ready to check into a five star hotel! Hurry back please," Balthazar cried into the phone.

"Balthazar, calm down. I'm leaving now. I'll be there soon," he spoke gruffly into he phone before hanging up.

He stood up and gave Dean an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, Dean. I'd love to stay but I really should get back to Balthazar."

Dean nodded and stood up. "Yeah. Go. But uh, do you maybe want to exchange numbers?"

Cas chuckled. "I remember you used to be a lot smoother than that."

Dean pushed his shoulder lightly, "Shut up and give me your phone."

Cas pulled his phone out and handed it to Dean who programmed his number into it. He handed it back to him and let his hand linger on Cas's.

"Now you have my number. You can text or call me when you're free," he said shyly.

Cas felt the heat rise to his cheeks quickly before nodding. "Okay. I will."

Dean pulled him into another hug while rubbing his hand up and down his back before pulling away. "Good," he said smiling.

Neither one of them wanted to be the first to walk away. Cas wasn't even one hundred percent sure that this was all real. He only spent the past ten years imagining the different scenarios of his and Deans reunion but the reality was a lot better than his fantasies.

"Kiss already!," Gabe heckled a few feet away.

It was Deans turn to blush as he averted his eyes to the floor and chuckled nervously.

"Well, I should get going but I'll call you," Cas said before heading over to gather up a drunk Gabe and Lucifer.

He walked them out of the bar and set them down in the car. How was it already dark outside? He slid into the drivers side and smiled genuinely for the first time in a long time.

Since he got to Kansas all he could think about was leaving but now he wasn't sure if he ever wanted to leave.


	4. Chapter 4

**Outcast**

Cas walked into the room he was staying in and smiled slowly. It was his old childhood room and it looked like nothing had even been touched. He had to thank his brothers later for that.

He walked around and flipped through the old books from his bookshelf not caring that dust was flying everywhere now. He sat down at the chair at the desk that he had spent so many hours rigorously studying at.

The chair creaked slowly as all his weight pressed into it. He looked up and across the room at the large window across from his desk. He briefly wondered if it still had the same view that it used to.

He stood up and walked over to it before putting a finger in the blind and peeking through curiously. He could see what he used to see every day for four years. Deans bedroom.

He heard about the passing of his father two years ago but he didn't know how to go about telling him his condolences. After all, he didn't even bother to get in touch with him when he left the cafeteria that day.

His heart felt heavy in his chest whenever he was reminded of that day. He did his best to forget when he was in California but this was just a constant reminder being here.

He looked back at the window that he used to spend so many hours sitting in front of while talking to Dean on the house phone. He smiled to himself and wrapped his arms around himself.

 **Lawrence, Kansas November 2002**

Cas sat at his desk and picked up his glasses that were now in two separate pieces in front of him. Alastair had made sure to snap them just before Gabriel had pulled up to pick him up.

He hid the glasses from him and shoved them into the pocket of his trench coat. He could fix them later. No big deal. He would just have to squint for the time being.

It was a chilly Friday night. He shivered as the cool wind found its way inside his room. He turned around and saw that he must have accidentally left the window open.

He sighed and placed his glasses on his desk and walked over to close his window. He grabbed the now cold frame to bring the window down but stopped when he looked out it.

Dean had his own window open and was sitting on his bed with a guitar in his lap. He was messing with the stings and adjusting it how he wanted it.

He didn't mean to stare. He really didn't. But no one could deny how drop dead gorgeous Dean Winchester was. Cas didn't have any classes with him but he did sometimes see him around in the halls at school.

A small part of him would hope that he would come sit with him in the library again but he hadn't had the pleasure of that happening yet. So, for now, ogling him from afar would just have to do.

Deans head snapped up quickly from his focus on his six string. Cas was aware that he most likely resembled a deer in headlights right about now. He sunk into himself and shut his window quickly.

Maybe Dean didn't see him. Maybe he was just freaking out for no reason at all. His hopes of those possibilities being true came crashing down around him when a light tapping sound at his window brought him back to reality.

He frowned while his heart felt like it was two seconds away from bursting out of his chest. He peeked at his window but didn't see anyone. Cas' brows knitted together as he raised his window back up and stuck his head out of it.

Everything was blurry to him so he squinted to try to get a better idea of what he was looking at. A figure was leaning against Deans house. He squinted harder as Dean slowly came into view.

"Hey, Juliette," Deans voice rang out to him. He could hear the amusement in his tone.

"I'm sorry?," Cas asked him, perplexed.

Dean seemed to be smiling now as he made his way across his yard and hopped easily over the small metal gate that separated their properties. Cas felt his breath get caught in his throat when Deans face appeared in front of him.

"Nothing. It's just that you look like Juliette right now with your head sticking out of the window. I thought you'd find it funny since you like to read," Dean explained to him as he leaned on the fence.

"Oh! A 'Romeo and Juliette' joke?," Cas asked him. Dean smiled ad nodded in amusement. He wasn't used to this. The kind of banter that only friends shared with each other but maybe he could get used to it.

"So, if I'm 'Juliette'," he said with air quotes, "then you must be," he couldn't finish where his sentence was going. Damn it. Why did he have to make it weird like that? Now Dean would think that he had a crush on him and he'd never talk to him again.

"Romeo," Dean finished for him, taking him out of his misery.

Cas blushed furiously. He wanted to slam his head down onto the window sill multiple times and forget this ever happened.

"Where are your glasses?," Dean asked him suddenly with concern in his voice.

Cas looked down at his fingers and shrugged slightly. He didn't exactly want to admit to Dean that Alastair had been bullying him since he moved here in August. But the look on Deans face informed him that he already knew.

His mouth parted as he gasped sharply. "Please, don't tell me that dick, Alastair, broke your glasses."

Cas' cheeks reddened up as he nodded in embarrassment. He knew Dean would walk away now. No one ever wanted to be associated with him after they found out he was the loser that Alastair tormented on a daily basis.

"God damn it," Dean muttered heatedly to himself before holding his hand out.

Cas tilted his head but continued to squint at him. "What?," he questioned him.

"Let me see your glasses," Dean answered, simply.

"It's really not a big deal, Dean. I-I needed new glasses anyways," he lied. He had just gotten that pair before moving here.

"Just give them to me," Dean told him sternly, leaving no room for argument.

Cas sighed and walked over to his desk where he picked up the two broken pieces before walking back to the window. He stuck his hand out of the window and dropped the pieces into Deans awaiting hand.

Dean turned around and hopped the fence with ease again before disappearing into his own home. Cas bit his lip as his mind raced.

Was Dean friends with Alastair? Did he just take his glasses so he could remain blind then him and the jocks could have a good laugh at it on Monday. Cas felt tears begin to prick harshly at his eyes.

"Cas," Dean says breathlessly from in front of him. Cas lifted his head from the palm of his hands and saw Deans face filled with worry.

"I fixed them," Dean said slowly while offering Cas his glasses back, "For you."

Cas took the glasses out of Deans hand and inspected them carefully. Maybe this was some kind of prank. People weren't nice to him for no reason at all. There had to be some sort of catch to it.

The thin frames were now held together by scotch tape that was neatly put into place. He smiled and placed them on his face. The tape scratched at the bridge of his nose but he couldn't find it in him to care because Dean did this for him. He wasn't trying to pick on him. He cared.

"Th- Thank you," he stuttered and offered Dean a small smile. Dean smiled back with more affection and shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

"Dean! Dinners ready!," a woman's voice rang out through the night coming from Deans home.

"Coming mom!," Dean yelled back and turned to jump back over the fence.

He faced Cas again with a smile still plastered over his face. "I'll see you around, Juliette," he called out loudly before turning back and heading inside. His words held so much promise and Cas was feeling optimistic for the first time in a very long time.

He rubbed the tape on his glasses in between his fingers while waiting for the butterflies in his stomach to calm down. "I hope so, Romeo," he whispered to no one but himself.

 **Present Day**

Cas felt like that whole scene had just played out before his eyes. He was ignorant back then but it was a lesson for him. Don't let your guard down too easily.

He tugged on the blinds string and pulled them up so he could look outside and let the breeze in. His heart picked up speed once again when he spotted Dean in his familiar childhood room. Did he still stay in there?

Dean looked up at the same time and gave Cas a small wave as his lips curled upwards into a gentle smile. He took his phone out of his pocket and held it up for Cas to see. A hint for him to call him.

Cas bit his lip but waved back. He wanted to walk out of his room and forget about this shitty town but something drew him to pull up his old desk chair to the window.

He sat down on it and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket before dialing the number Dean programmed in it earlier. He watched as Dean swiped his phone to answer and pulled up his own chair to sit at the window to his room.

"Hey, Juliette," Deans voice sounded in his ear.

Cas smiled sheepishly before answering, "Hey, Romeo."

Dean rested his elbow on his window sill and placed his chin in his palm. He held his cell phone up to his ear with his other hand while laughing softly. Dean said nothing but continued to stare at Cas from afar.

Cas figured now would be a good time to offer his condolences. "I heard about your father. I would've called but I didn't think you even remembered me."

Deans face fell slightly before he quickly recollected himself. "Oh. Uh, thank you," he mumbled while adverting his eyes down.

Did he say something wrong? Maybe it was too soon to bring up his departed father. He remembered how he felt when he lost his mother a few years ago.

"So, a history teacher?," Cas asked with a raise of his brow. He never expected it from Dean. He spent most of high school talking about how he was going to get out of Lawrence someday and design his own cars. He had always been so passionate about it, too. It just took him off guard to not see him doing what he wanted with his life.

Dean nodded and ran a hand through his hair. "I know, I know. Not exactly what I had planned for my life but sometimes you have to take what life gives you and just run with it."

Cas nodded back and frowned. He knew about that all too well. "I totally get it but your life's not over yet, Dean. You could still do what you wanted to."

Dean waved him off with a shrug. "I guess," he replied sullenly.

Cas looked down at his fingernails. He didn't know why he felt such a desperate need to push Dean into doing something that he clearly wasn't interested in.

"I have a great idea!," Dean said excitedly, pulling Cas out of his self depreciating thoughts.

Cas' head snapped up to see Dean grinning widely. "What is it?," he asked carefully.

"You should totally come to the school tomorrow to talk to my kids. They would love to have someone from Lawrence whose actually made something of themselves. They would be so excited," Dean said as his eyes lit up.

Cas chewed on his lip and thought his offer over quickly. He couldn't go back to that school. Hell, he shouldn't even be back in this town in the first place. He promised his eighteen year old self that he would never come back but yet, here he was.

He opened his mouth to decline Deans offer. He wanted to get on the next plane out of Kansas and leave forever but something inside him screamed at him to stay. For all he knew, Dean could be teaching a kid that's exactly the way Cas was in high school. He could save him or her. Hypothetically, of course.

Cas swallowed down the feeling of dread and smiled weakly at Dean. "Okay. I'll do it."


	5. Chapter 5

**Familiar faces**

"Balthazar. We need to go over the schedule. When is this mayor thing exactly?," Cas asked as he pulled out a chair to the dining rooms table before sitting down across from his manager.

Balthazar rubbed his chin as he pulled something up on his iPhone. His eyes scanned through it quickly before he looked back up at Cas. "Well, todays Thursday and it says the ceremony is on Saturday. Apparently, there's also the class of 2006s ten year class reunion the same night. Didn't you say you graduated that year?," he asked him as he locked his phone.

Cas frowned but nodded. "Yes but I wasn't exactly invited and I wouldn't go anyways. I don't belong there," he said with his eyes down low.

"Ah, because of the humiliation you faced? It's been ten years, Cassie. You're rich, famous and successful. If I were you, I'd be rubbing it in their faces," Balthazar commented before taking a sip from his wine glass.

"That's not who I am. But you're saying that I have a free day tomorrow?," he asked with a raise of his eyebrow.

He nodded as he got up from the table and stretched his arms over his head. "Mhm, go crazy with your day off. I'm going to head to bed now," Balthazar told him before slinking up the stairs.

Cas bit his lip and internally debated with himself on whether or not he should keep his promise to Dean. He knows that there could be a kid just like him who hasn't read his book but also he didn't know how to feel about facing the place he was tormented in for years.

"Hey, baby bro! Why are you sitting here by yourself?," Gabe asked him as he plopped himself down on the chair next to his.

"I'm just thinking," he replied sullenly. He knew he must sound and look like a downer right now but not even Dean could change his mood on returning back to his breaking point.

"About what?," Lucifer asked from behind him before appearing across from him and throwing himself down into the chair.

Cas sighed. There was no point in even trying to hide anything from his brothers. Somehow, they always knew how to make him talk.

"I got asked to go to Lawrence High School tomorrow to give some sort of speech about 'making it' and my, I'm assuming, book," he said with a shrug.

Gabe lit up while Lucifer raised his eyebrows, impressed. "That's awesome! We'll go with you," Gabe said, inviting himself.

Cas shook his head quickly. "Oh, no. I don't want you guys involved. And you know what? Why don't you two have jobs?," Cas asked his brothers while crossing his arms.

They shared a look across the table as small smiles played at their lips. "We're glad you asked!," Lucifer started with excitement clear in his eyes.

"As you may know, mom did happen to leave us a significant amount of money," Gabe said, taking over the conversation. Cas nodded and squinted his eyes suspiciously at his brothers.

"And yes. At first we were blowing it on women, petty material items and our new cars," Lucifer jumped in again while waving his hand around casually.

"But one day, we decided 'Hey. We're two grown men barely in our thirties. It's time to buckle down'," Gabe chimed in.

Cas rested his elbows on the table and decided to give them his undivided attention. Whatever this was- it was good. "So, what did you guys do then?," he asked with curiosity.

Gabe and Lucifer shared one more quick look with each other before announcing in unison, "We opened up a body shop!"

Cas' mouth fell slightly before he stood up quickly to hug his brothers and congratulate them. "That's amazing guys! I had no idea you were in business together."

They shrugged but continued to smile. "Yeah. Were pretty excited about it. Now its just all about marketing so we can expand and have the shops all over Kansas. Then maybe go from there. For now, were just looking for someone who is talented with cars to come work for us," Gabe explained with a twinkle of light still in his eyes.

Cas smiled widely and patted each of them on their backs affectionately. "I'm proud of you guys. But how come you never called me to tell me?," he asked them while taking a step back to gage their reactions.

Gabe rubbed the back of his neck while Lucifer crossed his arms and looked away. "Guys?," Cas asked before taking a step back.

Gabe sighed and shared another look with the oldest Novak before turning back to Cas. "Well, here's the thing. You've changed. You don't pick up our calls in the first place. Even when mom died, it was extremely difficult to get ahold of you. Then, you didn't even bother to come to the funeral. You just sent flowers and a note. So, yeah. We gave up on you," he said sadly.

Cas' mouth fell open as he gasped softly. Had he really been that enamored with himself that he pushed away the only family he had left?

Lucifer nodded along in agreement with what Gabe was saying. "It's true, Castiel. You haven't been back home in ten years. We miss you and all we want is our little brother back."

Cas frowned but pulled his brothers into a hug to show them that he still cared about their family. No one said a word as they all held each other. Cas knew that after this weekend, he wanted to be a great brother to them but not in Kansas.

 **XXX**

Cas stood in front of his old bedrooms full length mirror and slid his fathers trench coat over his suit. He opted out of wearing the suits jacket and instead settled on one of the ties he brought with him.

He adjusted his tie and let out a nervous breath he had been holding in. Did he really need to be doing this? He could just have a lazy day and try to work on the outline for his new book. Or he could do literally anything else besides going to Lawrence High School.

A knock at his door pulled him out of his thoughts causing him to roll his eyes but tell the person on the other side of the door to come in. Gabe's familiar gold locks poked through the door before he swung the door all the way open. "Ready to go educate some kids?," he asked while leaning on the door frame.

Cas' eyes widened as he shook his head quickly. "No no no. You and Luci cannot go talk to kids," he begged his brother while Lucifer appeared behind Gabe.

"Aw, why not, Cas?," Lucifer asked innocently before sticking out his bottom lip.

"Because you guys are insane," he deadpanned.

"That's debatable," Gabe replied with his index finger pointed at Cas.

"It's really not but anyways I think I should be heading out now. I just need to call a cab," Cas said, stepping past his brothers.

Gabe and Lucifer shared another one of their secret looks before grabbing Cas' arms and dragging him out of the house. Cas attempted to wiggle and pull away from them but their grip on his arms were too strong.

"Guys! What are you doing?," he asked them incredulously.

They dragged him into the front yard while laughing. "You guys are in your thirties for Christ sakes!," Cas cried out again.

"Castiel! I didn't know you were back in town!," an older voice called out across the lawn causing the elder Novaks to release Cas.

All three of them looked up at the same time and looked across the street at their neighbor whose been there since they moved in his freshman year. Miss Missouri Moseley walked briskly across the street and stopped on the sidewalk in front of their house. She placed her hands on her hips and gave his brothers disapproving looks.

"Gabriel and Luci Novak," she said in that stern, motherly voice of hers. They both crossed their arms behind their backs and looked at their shoes guiltily. Cas hid his mouth behind his hand and chuckled at the sight of his brothers getting chastised. It reminded him of when their mother would do the same thing in high school.

"You boys leave Castiel alone," she continued then turned to give Cas another long look. She swept him quickly into a tight hug and smiled. "It's been so long. And oh my. Look at you! Certainly not the little boy that I remember so fondly."

Cas smiled back and blushed slightly at the offhanded compliment. "Thank you, Miss Moseley. I'd hate to rush this but I really need to be somewhere right now," he informed her, apologetically.

She nodded and let go of his arm. "I understand, Castiel. Say hi to Dean for me," she said with a wink and turned to walk back home.

Cas gave his brothers an odd look. "How did she-?," he started to ask them, puzzled.

Gabe held up a hand to cut him off. "Dude. Don't even ask. We think she's a witch. She knows everything," he replied dramatically.

Cas laughed and waved them off. "Fine. I guess you guys can come but please don't do anything embarrassing," he begged them.

Gabe and Luci exchanged excited looks then turned back tot their little brother. "We promise," they said in unison.

Cas rolled his eyes and wondered just what exactly he had gotten himself into.

 **XXX**

Cas stood nervously in front of the double doors to Lawrence High School. He wrapped his arms around himself for self comfort and closed his eyes. All he could imagine was himself, ten years ago, running out of the same doors. And now he was back.

A hand touched his back lightly, followed by another hand. He opened his eyes and looked into his brothers warm faces. Suddenly, he was very glad to have them here with him.

"You got this," Gabe whispered to him.

Cas nodded and stood straighter before pushing the doors open. A cool breeze of air hit him, causing him to breathe in a little more. He walked over to the secretaries desk and felt his throat tighten a bit.

Long, dark, curly hair and big brown eyes met him before recognition sparked in them. "Clarence. Is that you?," the voice dripped like honey.

"M-Meg?," he stuttered.

The corners of her lips perked up as she took him in. She stood up from her chair and leaned over the desk as her cleavage began to show even more. Cas looked away and swallowed nervously.

"My my my. Not the ugly duckling anymore. Are we?," she asked him rhetorically while greedily taking him in.

Cas felt uncomfortable as he looked to his brothers for some help. "Cut the shit. Where is Dean Winchesters class?," Gabe asked with a roll of his eyes.

Cas closed his eyes again and drowned out the conversation around him. He could feel himself going back to a time when those eyes weren't so friendly with him.

 **~Lawrence, Kansas- February 2003~**

Cas sat in his history class and flipped to the page in his notebook that he had secretly been working on for the past week. Valentines Day was coming up and he wanted to give Dean something homemade along with a note but he couldn't quite figure out what to say just yet.

Actually, he wasn't sure if he was even going to give it to Dean. His new friend swore up and down that he was straight and even went out of his way to date every available girl in their class. But now, Dean Winchester was finally single and he was going to confess to him that he liked him.

He drew a heart and put in the initials D.W and C.N connected by an arrow. It was cheesy but so far, nothing was coming to his mind on what else to do.

"What's this?," his nosy classmate, Meg Masters, asked him while she leaned over his shoulder to take a sneak peak.

Cas blushed and closed his notebook quickly. "N-Nothing," he told her, hoping silently that she would just go away but its never been that easy with her.

She smirked wickedly and turned her head. "Oh, Alastair! Clarence has a crush," she mocked him.

Cas tightened his fist as he attempted to shove the notebook quickly into his backpack. Alastair grabbed his wrist to forcefully stop him while laughing into his ear.

"Are you flirting with my girl, Novak?," Alastair asked lowly, his eyes flashing with excitement.

"No!," Cas said a little too loudly causing some students to look up from their work and turn around.

Alastair smiled at the attention and set his sights back onto Cas. "Why? Is it because she's not a dude?," he continued to taunt him.

Cas' eyes widened as he looked up for their teacher but Metatron was too busy talking on the phone to see what was going on. He instead opted to look at his desk and avoid any eye contact with his tormentors.

Alastair let go of his wrist and instead grabbed the back of his hair to pull him closer to him. "Don't even think about looking at Meg again or I will kick your ass," he said menacingly.

Cas attempted to nod and sniffled from the pain of his hair being pulled so tightly. "Say it!," Alastair said loudly.

A tear slipped down his cheek as he sniffled again. "I- I wont look at Meg again," he said weakly to appease him.

Alastair let go of his hair and laughed. "You better not or we're going to have real problems," he said darkly as if it was a promise.

Cas wiped away his tear and dropped his head into his hands. He didn't bother with his schoolwork for the rest of the day.

 **Present Day**

"Cas?," Deans voice called out to him as a hand waved frantically in front of his face to pull him out of his vivid memory.

Cas blinked slowly as his chest felt like a balloon was being filled up in it. He smiled to cover up his embarrassment and looked into Deans warm green eyes.

Dean placed a hand on his back before draping his arm across his shoulder. "Are you ready?," he asked into his ear.

Cas shivered from the contact but sank into his touch. He nodded while biting his lip. "I'm ready."


	6. Chapter 6

**Here**

Cas walked into Deans classroom and forced a smile. He usually felt comfortable speaking in front of groups but not so much when the group is filled with teenagers staring at him.

Gabe, Lucifer and Dean followed close behind him which gave him some comfort but not enough. He bit his lip nervously and looked out to all the bored faces. A small boy in the back of the room caught his eye and caused a rush of memories of being in this exact history classroom to come back to him.

The dark haired boy hid his face while he scribbled furiously in his notebook. He looked up slowly and caught Castiel's eye while he furrowed his brow. Cas offered him a small, kind smile which the boy gratefully returned. He ducked his head back down when another classmate stared at him ad went back to whatever he was writing.

Dean stepped in front of him and cleared his throat. "Okay, class. I know it's Friday and you guys don't feel like doing much so today, I thought it would be interesting to have some key speakers to talk to you guys. This is Gabriel and Lucifer Novak," Dean introduced as he slapped Gave on the back.

"They own the body shop downtown. And this," he said walking over to Cas and smiling more profoundly, "This is Castiel Novak. New York Times bestseller and alumni for the class of 2006."

A couple of kids looked at him with interest but it wasn't enough to shatter the memories of this horrible room. He swallowed nervously and gave a small wave to them. He was aware of how awkward he must've looked but he was here for the children. Not for himself.

"Lucifer? That's a weird name," one of the kids in the front of the room scoffed.

Lucifer smiled sarcastically while nodding. He took a step in front of Dean with Gabe following closely. Dean took a step back until he was shoulder to shoulder with Cas. He raised an eyebrow at him and gestured his head towards Cas'' brothers.

Cas held in a laugh and shrugged at Dean. He turned his head back to his brothers and watched as they now stood in front of the boy who made the comment about Luci's name.

"Yeah, I suppose it is weird. But so is your hair. What are you? A backstreet boy?," Lucifer mocked at the boys dark hair with a few streaks of blonde going through it.

The class erupted into laughter as Gabe and Lucifer shared a look. They leaned into each other briefly to have some sort of private conversation before backing up and nodding at one another.

"So, your teacher here wants us to talk to you guys about making it in the real world," Gabe started while pointing a thumb behind him at Dean.

"Not true. I only asked Cas but you two idiots decided to come along anyway," Dean commented from behind him.

Gabe ignored him and began to pace the front of the room in front of their desks. He stopped and pointed at a boy who was texting. "You. What do you plan on doing when you get out of this hell hole?," he asked him quickly.

The boy put his phone down and darted his eyes from side to side before looking back at Gabe who was now towering over him. "Um, I don't know. Maybe I'll get a scholarship for football," the boy answered with a shrug.

Gabe took a step back and looked back at Lucifer before they both bust out into laughter. The class looked confused and frankly horrified at his brothers. Gabe wiped his eye comically and turned back to the kid. "So, Mr. football star. You think you're going to get this 'scholarship', go off to college, slide your way through, graduate, marry your college sweetheart, have a few rugrats?"

The boys eyes continued to stay wide as he nodded along with whatever Gabe was talking about. "Well, you're wrong!," he shouted causing a few students to nearly jump out of their seats.

Dean raised his eyebrows at his sudden outburst and gave Cas a questioning look. Cas shrugged again while shaking his head in exasperation.

"I see kids like you all the time. You never get this scholarship. You never go to college. You stay in this boring town until you die with your boring wife. YOU have to be the one to control your destiny. Don't rely on anything else. The real world is hard. And no one ever tells you about it until you're already too far gone. That's why I'm telling you now," Gabe continued.

All of the students were now paying attention to what he was saying and even looked interested. "Hey, Gabe. Why don't you tell them what you've been doing for the past thirteen years since you graduated," Dean chimed in.

"I've been a party monster. I did not go to college. I lived with my mom and hung out with my brother. All we did was drink and sleep with average women. Now, does that sound fun to you?," he asked the class.

A majority nodded their heads with excitement while some girls grimaced. "God dammit! It wasn't fun!," he shouted once again while slamming his hand down on Deans desk.

All the smiles that were once on their faces were gone now and replaced with frowns or the look of fear. Gabe always knew how to put kids in their places. "It was shameful. We were losers. You don't want to be like we were. You want to be like my other brother, Cas. He got out of this town and he got what he wanted. He was our motivation. Although, we do still live here," he ranted on while pointing at Cas.

Cas felt the pressure of all the students now staring at him in awe or wonder. What was worse, was that he could also feel a certain teachers gaze locked on him as well. He turned his head away from the class and looked at Dean who had a sad smile on his lips.

"Now, I brought some condoms to hand out. Let's talk latex," Gabe said while reaching into his pocket.

Dean surged forward quickly and grabbed onto Gabe's arm to stop him. "Oh, no. I think their done speaking. Although, you didn't really tell us about your business. All you did was scare a few seventeen year olds," he said while pushing both Gabe and Lucifer out of the door.

"They need to be protected!," Gabe shouted in defense as Dean slammed the door on them and locked it.

Cas chuckled and shrugged once again when Dean turned back to him. "Well, we have time for one more speaker. You ready, Cas?," Dean asked him as his hand ran down his back lightly.

Cas shook his head quickly while taking a step back. What was he thinking getting into any of this? He didn't belong here. He never did. He could feel himself start to freak out and second guess himself.

Dean grabbed onto both of his shoulders causing him to look into his eyes. His eyes were filled with hope, trust and understanding. It instantly soothed him to see how much Dean believed in him.

Dean leaned his head in so only Cas could hear him. "You are Castiel Novak. You got out of this town when no one believed that you could. You showed them all wrong and you looked great doing it. There is someone in this classroom that could really use the words that you have the potential to say. Don't let him down," he whispered calmly before backing up.

Cas let out a shaky breath but nodded once he looked back into Deans eyes. "Okay," he whispered and turned towards the class.

"I'm pretty sure none of you know me but I wrote the book 'It gets better'. I was once like you guys. I lived here, went to school here and dreamed every day of getting out," he looked across the room and looked at the timid boy who was now staring and hanging onto his every word.

"The day I came out was, without a doubt, one of the worse days of my life. I was bullied harshly to the point of breaking but I didn't. I had to be strong. Not just for myself but for my family. And I later learned that acceptance of yourself is far more important than the acceptance of others," he continued. He looked at Dean from the corner of his eye and saw him nodding along solemnly. A dark emotion passed through his face quickly before he looked back up at Cas.

"I won't bore you guys with all the horror stories of my past. They're in my book if you're curious and all of it is one hundred percent true and based off this high school. You know, in a few years, it won't matter who you were in high school. Whether you were in the popular crowd, the outcast or the jock. What's going to matter is the person you become and I hope you all become someone that you're proud of," he said walking up and down the aisles of students. Every set of eyes was on him but he felt comfortable and in his zone.

He stopped in front of the small boy and smiled warmly at him. The boy looked at him with large eyes and smiled back. "Remember, do no harm but take no shit. And that's how you succeed in life."

He walked back up to the front of the class room where Dean was leaning on his desk. Dean began to clap slowly while a proud smile played on his face. Soon enough, the entire class was joining in and applauding him. He smiled back and tried to wave them off but they kept getting louder.

He could feel a hot blush begin to fill his face up from all the attention. He hadn't even felt this way when he did live talk shows. There was something about the way Dean was looking at him and how every kid in the room seemed to be looking up to him right now.

The applause died down and Cas was extremely thankful that it was finally over. Although, it hadn't been as bad as he thought it would.

"Alright, guys. I'm sure Mr. Novak is very busy so that's it for today," Dean told his class while placing a hand firmly on his shoulder as if he thought Cas would run away any second now.

Cas turned to look at Dean while tilting his head. "Can I talk to you for a moment, Dean?," he asked lowly.

Dean nodded immediately then removed his grip from Cas. "I'll be right back. Keep yourselves entertained," he said with a joyful smile. The class nodded obediently and watched as they exited the room.

"What's up?," Dean asked him as soon as the door closed and they were completely alone in the narrow hallway.

"Who's that boy in the back of your room? You know, the shy one with the dark hair," he tried his best to explain him.

"Ah, that would be Aaron. Kind of reminds you of someone, huh?," Dean questioned him with a smirk.

Cas knew that Dean was pointing out the similarities between them now. Aaron was almost a mirror image of who he was nearly ten years ago. "Is he okay?," Cas asked him hopefully. He wanted to believe that maybe high school has changed and he could walk out of here worry free.

Dean's smile turned into a frown as he though over the question. "If you're asking if he was bullied the same way you were, the answer is no. We don't have Alastairs at this school. At least, not from what I see. He just have trouble coming out of his shell and accepting who he is," he answered.

Cas nodded and chewed on his bottom lip. "Well, I hope you're doing something to change that."

Dean opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by Gabe and Lucifer showing up at their sides. "Some presentation, right teach?," Gabe asked Dean with a mischievous gleam in his eye.

Dean shook his head. "I'm sure a corpse could've given a better presentation," he replied back.

Gabe feigned shock then rolled his eyes before turning to Cas. "Party at our house tonight. We already invited mostly everyone in town. It's going to be great!"

"A p-party?," he stuttered while staring at his brother.

He could feel himself begin to lose himself again and remember the last party he ever went to. With Dean Winchester.


	7. Chapter 7

**A little party never killed nobody**

 **~March 2003~**

"Dean, I don't know if I can do this. Clearly, I don't belong here," Cas told Dean as they walked up the sidewalk leading to the house.

"Of course you do, Cas. You're just as a part of our class as I am. Now, go enjoy yourself. Have a few drinks, make some new friends," he paused as he looked him over quickly, "talk to a pretty girl?" There was a hint of suggestion from his question but Cas couldn't put his finger on what it was.

Cas shrugged uncomfortably. He hadn't fully accepted himself yet and Deans questioning was only making him feel more insecure. Was he teasing him like the others? Did he know? He said nothing as they arrived at the front door. He could hear a faint thumping noise from the deafening music coming from inside.

Dean turned his head towards him and seemed to smile apologetically. Cas could feel himself leaning towards the other boy for comfort. Dean ran a soothing hand down his back which gave Cas an unfamiliar sensation of chills from the simple touch.

He did not want to be here and surrounded by classmates whose only goal in life was to torture him. But when Dean had asked him to accompany him, he couldn't say no to spending some time with his only friend.

He held his breath in as Dean pushed the door open revealing the upbeat party going on inside. Dean guided Cas through the threshold with a steady hand on his lower back. Cas duck his head down to avoid the curious gazes in their direction but Dean didn't seem to be phased in the slightest.

"Dean!," a high pitched voice called out from across the room.

Cas and Dean both looked in the direction of the voice and watched as Lisa Braeden stumbled towards them with a red solo cup in her hand that was leaking beer. She threw a drunken arm around Dean and giggled furiously. Dean dropped the hand he had been using to lead Cas then wrapped it around Lisa's petite waist.

Cas felt as if he had been betrayed as soon as Lisa and Dean became enwrapped into their own little world while ignoring everything and everyone around them. He frowned as he took a step back from their intimate moment and took the time to survey his odd surroundings.

A small couch sat directly in the middle of the wide living room and was now being occupied by four very drunk teenagers but no one that Cas could recognize. He walked slowly through the crowd, not really sure exactly what he was looking for but just knowing that he had to get away from Dean before he started to think any confusing questions about their friendship.

He made his way into the kitchen as he quickly dodged a girl who was on her way to the nearest toilet to vomit. He rolled his eyes at the situation he was in. He should've never let Dean talk him into doing something so childish and primeval.

The crowd seemed to be more settled down in the kitchen with some of them leaning on counters, others making out in the corners and a small group passing a joint around to each other. He spotted a tray of colorful shots in small, round plastic containers.

Curious, he walked over to them and picked up a red one gently as if it would explode if he was rougher with it. He noticed that the drink didn't move but instead seemed to shake in a way. He poked his finger into the drink and scooped some on it before placing his finger into his mouth. It was jello.

But it was Jello that tasted entirely of too much Vodka. He made a sour face as the unappealing treat slid easily down his throat. "It's called a Jello shot, moron," a snide voice came from directly in front of him.

Cas snapped his head up quickly as he placed the shot back onto its spot on the tray. Meg Masters stood in front of him with an evil smile dripping slowly across her devious lips.

"Uh, I- I know that," Cas replied with false confidence.

Meg raised her eyebrow at him then looked over her shoulder briefly before looking back at Cas while her smile grew. Alastair sauntered in through the kitchen door with a grin as equally wide as Megs.

Cas backed up slowly until his lower back connected with the hard, marble countertop. Alastair slung a lazy arm around Meg and pointed at Cas with a can of beer in his hand. "Why is this loser in my house?," he asked loudly to no one specifically.

Cas felt his heartrate speed up but he said nothing. He only felt hurt that Dean would take him to Alastair's party. Of course, he didn't quite know about his bully problems but he still couldn't help but feel like this was some kind of setup.

"He wants to party," Meg answered with mischief deep in her lacy tone.

Alastair chuckled darkly as he raised both his eyebrows. "Oh, does he now? Well, let's show him how we party," he suggested.

Cas raised his hands to defend himself as Meg and Alastair quickly approached him to do God knows what with him. They both grabbed each of his arms before yanking him roughly and dragging him unwillingly into the living room where most of the guests were.

Cas stomped his feet in an attempt to overpower them but they both proved to be too strong for him. Meg let go of his arm as Alastair hastily grabbed it again then twisted both of his arms behind his back painfully.

Cas threw his head back and closed his eyes. This wasn't happening right now. He was really at home, finishing all his homework before the weekend even started. Not in this terrible situation.

He heard cheers all around him and reluctantly opened his eyes. This was definitely happening. Meg approached him with something that looked like a funnel and a long tube attached to the end of it.

"Who wants me to drown the nerd?!," Alastair shouted over the music and cheers. Everyone screamed with excitement as their answer.

Cas' eyes widened at the word drown. He shook his head violently as Meg neared him with the funnel. She grabbed his face roughly to steady him before shoving the tube down his throat.

He gagged at the forced entry and tried to spit it out of his mouth but Megs grip on his face won out to his attempts. Cas heard the soft sound of a beer can opening before warm liquid shot down his throat quickly.

"Drown the nerd! Drown the nerd!," his classmates chanted from all around him as he choked on the unwanted liquid in his throat.

He couldn't breathe but he couldn't swallow either. There was too much alcohol pouring into him. He coughed furiously to no avail. The liquid kept pouring in. He struggled in Alastair's stronghold until his vision began to blur.

He was near the point of passing out or possibly dying until the hold on him ceased. He fell onto his hands and knees immediately and spluttered out all the alcohol that had been lodged in his throat seconds before.

Cas could faintly feel a hand patting him on the back as all the alcohol ended up on the floor in front of him. The same hand hoisted him back onto his feet before leading him to the front door. Cas looked back briefly to see his shocked classmates faces and Alastair on the ground as Meg tried to help him up.

They made it back outside and the breeze told him that a good portion of the beer ended up drenched on his face and hair. He let go of the stranger and leaned over to rest his hands on his knees until his vision came back slowly.

He stood up again and turned around to see Dean with a worried look on his face. Cas could feel all the anger that had been bubbling up inside him since Dean ditched him. From the way Deans jacket slung off his shoulders and the obvious new hickey forming on his neck, Cas knew exactly what his friend had been doing while Cas was being attacked.

Dean reached out to him but Cas quickly stepped back. "Don't," he said sternly. Hurt filled Deans green eyes as his hand went back to his side. "Don't ever bring me here again," Cas spat at him. He wanted to say so much more. To let himself be angry with Dean. But he couldn't.

"Cas, I-," Dean started before he was interrupted by the sound of the front door swinging open.

"Oh, Dean! There you are! You disappeared on me," Lisa said cheerfully while she tugged on his arm to get him to rejoin her inside.

Cas watched as Dean pulled away from her. "Fuck off, Lisa," he said spitefully.

Lisa furrowed her brow. "What are you talking about, babe?," she asked in confusion as she tossed her long brown hair over her shoulder.

"Go!," Dean shouted uncharacteristically at her. Her jaw dropped while she looked Dean up and down until she got the hint then walked back inside.

Cas saw Deans eyes turn from anger to softness. It was the first time he had seen any other emotion besides happiness on him. He shook his head at him before turning his body and running home.

XXX

"Cas?," Dean said loudly as he shook his shoulder.

Cas blinked slowly before regaining his composure. "Oh. Sorry. I don't know what came over me," he said with embarrassment.

"Are you okay? Do you need to sit down?," Dean asked him while looking him up and down.

Cas shrugged him off while shaking his head. "I'm fine. I just need to get out of here. This place is suffocating," he answered honestly. He turned away from Dean quickly and walked down the hall to catch up with his brothers.

He glanced over his shoulder to see Dean waving awkwardly at him. "I'll see you tonight?," Dean asked, his voice filled with hope.

Cas smiled softly. "Not if I see you first," he replied then turned back around.


End file.
